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A long long time ago, not long after the beginning of time, a land was created; a formation of rock, sky, and water. Put in the water was life of plant and flesh. Put on the rock was life of plant and flesh. The two were the same and separate, for those surviving in the water could not on the rock and those surviving on the rock could not in the water. Once the creator of the land was finished, he left this land alone, under the assumption that those of the water and those of the rock would remain and thrive in or on their assigned elements, which they did for thousands of years.


One day, a being of the water glanced up, as it had many times before, but this time it was flooded with curiousity. There is clearly a separation above me, it noticed. What's beyond that? The creature made its way up up up the sandy slope until the separation was only an inch away. Mustering up all its might and courage, the water creature broke the surface and continued up the sandy slope away from the water and onto the rock. It was so easy!


(It looked like this:
, roughly.)


When that happened, a rock creature was sitting on the shore, contemplating the same thing the water creature had been a few moments before, but the opposite. Upon witnessing the water creature's emersion, the rock creature got the courage to travel past this separation, beneath the rock and into the water's depths.


(It looked like this:
, roughly.)


Suddenly, many of the water creatures were making trips to the surface and the rock creatures were passing them, venturing beneath it. Upon seeing this occurance, the creator knew it had to stop. It was told: "No more will rock creatures be able to go to the water or water creatures to the rock. I may not be able to stop those who have already crossed the barrier, but from this point forward, any who disobey this order with live eternally in pain and suffering and mental anguish." And the creator put life of flesh in the air above the land to guard the water and rock.


From then on the creatures were separate (except for the ones which already crossed the barrier) with creatures forever in the sky with a watchful eye.


Do you suppose that, if read thousands of years from now, these words would be considered truth?

 
 
 
 
 
 
I often feel taken advantage of by my friends. Various reasons, but it just makes me think. Or maybe it's just that no one really likes me as much as I think they do.

I'm feeling bad for myself.
 
 
 
 
 
 
We met at the transition. We were still growing, still meeting new people that would aid in defining who we would be as adults. We were together throughout our transformations, in an entirely too disfunctional relationship that we could not escape. I needed him then. I needed arms to be in when my mother's weren't there. Over the course of three and a half years, we broke up three times (an unimportant, yet relevant fact: each time, I was the dumpee). That statement in itself proves to me that we were never meant to be, and how badly I felt I needed a man in my life. I kept subjecting myself to heartache; continued to put my happiness in the palms of his hands.
We ultimately grew into two completely different people: he, a more work-oriented, motivated person; me, more of a free spirit, much less concerned with my future financial state, much more concerned with enjoying myself. Neither personality traits make up a bad character, just too opposite to continue on a joyful relationship. The fourth and final time we broke up was my decision. I can't help but elate in the fact that I ended it for good, even though I never wanted him to feel pain in anyway similar to the pain he caused me on multiple occasions. Yet, it was inevitable.

My growth and character development led me, finally, to my other half. He loves enjoying life, and we love enjoying it together. We can't stand being apart from each other. We have even had the same favorite band (Sublime) for many years, although we've only known each other for one year. (In fact, the first night I met him, I said to him, "I thought that I would never meet anyone so obsessed with Sublime as much as I am, until tonight.") From the moment I met him I knew that we would be great together. He enveloped everything in a man I have looked for for my entire life. He has his own style, and he pulls it off better than anyone else ever could. He has the same morals and values that I have, and we agree on virtually everything. After seven months of dating, we have not had one disagreement. He completes me.

Every decision I've made (in my more recent lifetime) has led to our meeting, and our falling in love, and I do not regret a thing about it. I have never been happier. Never.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I feel like she's going to be mad at me forever.
 
 
 
 
 
 
A freshman in high school, an 18-year-old, sold me "over a g of good shit." AKA a bowlpack of bud, a tiny bit of shake, and oregano. How fucking typical, oregano.

I'm offended.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I've never broken a heart before, until last night.

I would have prefered he broke my heart again. It was the worst. Making him feel like complete shit, in turn, made me feel like complete shit.

He's done this to me more than once before. It's his own fault. He knows it, I know it. Everyone knows it. I had to maintain some self-respect. His thing is: when he's not with me, he wants to be; when he is with me, he decides he doesn't want to be. I'm an idiot for letting him follow this pattern for three years, four separate times. I was one of those girls I always thought were really lame. But just because he wants me now, I know that in about six months, he'll change his mind.

I ended things for good because of the scientific method.

He knew there was someone else, too, though. He finally asked, so I told him. He doesn't deserve to be lied to about it. I love him, I really do. He's taught me that love isn't enough, though. But we're still great together. We're perfect.

I sound like I'm trying to convince myself that I made the right decision. I guess I am. I'll just have to wait it out and see.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I'm getting myself into trouble.
And I don't even care.
I like himmmmmmm. 
=]
 
 
 
 
 
 
So I think I was roofied last night. I've called three friends to ask what they thought, but no answers, so I'm asking whomever now, I guess.

My consumption on the night: one mixed drink, two shots and two games of 6-cup beruit (which equals only one beer for me). Oh, and a bowl, but the weed and the piece were mine, so I know nothing was in there that shouldn't have been.

That is EVERYTHING I had last night, and there is a huge chunk of the night I don't remember whatsoever. Probably about midnight to 5am is just completely blacked out from my memory. My friend was telling me this morning about how he moved me from a bed to a couch, and I don't remember laying down in a bed AT ALL. I do remember, though, being woken up at around 5:30am by this kid fingering my cleavage, and when I woke up this morning to leave my pants were unbuttoned and unzipped, but I know I didn't have sex. I don't know.

Thinking about it, I realize how dumb it is for me to even have to ask, because it seems pretty clear that I took something without knowing it.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Never settle.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I had two fantastic things to write about here last night, but I forget what they are.

My friend, Chelsea, and I were going to a party in Boston last night, but I was exhausted, so she gave me two caffiene pills. They made me super jittery all night, which upset my stomach, and I could only handle a beer before I was sure I would throw up. Actually, it felt the same as rolling on ecstasy, but instead of feeling happy and airy, I felt pukey. I guess the pills did what I initially wanted them to do, though: I didn't fall asleep until around 5am, and even then, it was only for an hour and a half.

I deleted all of my previous entries (asides from the one immediately previous to this). All of those posts were a part of my past--a chapter that I consider almost done with. "Almost done with" because it's harder to end than I thought. I'm taking leaps and bounds in getting there, though.

I'm also not making my posts "Friends Only" anymore. What I write here is exactly who I am, and there is NO need to hide that. I hid it in the past because I felt like I had to in order to be accepted, but this summer has made me realize: if certain people aren't going to accept me for who I really am, they don't deserve to get to know this person anyway. I feel like I've finally fallen into who I am, and am very happy with that. I can be ME, and it's a huge relief. The only reason I made my posts "Friends Only" in the first place was just in case someone I knew happened to come across this journal. I don't even know (in real life) anybody that's reading this. I was pretty insecure with myself, but this summer has completely changed that. Thank GOD.

And all of this makes me think that I'm a little immature. I'm two months away from being 21, for Christ's sake, shouldn't I know who I am by now? I suppose, though, that maybe there are plenty of people my age, older even, who are just now realizing themselves. In fact, it took my uncle until his 41st birthday to fully accept who he was; that's the year he came out of the closet. This year, actually, and two months later, his mother died. I think it was him who inspired me to just be ME. If you aren't, those who are closest to you and you want to share the real you with may never get to know that person. And how sad. You never know.

And now, even if your respect for me dwindles, I am going to smoke a bowl. Hopefully the downer will overtake the remnants of this upper left in my system, and I will finally sleep.




P.S. None of this is part of the "two fantastic things" I wanted to say. They couldn't have been too fantastic, though, if I can't even remember.

EDIT!
I want to go through my friends list and delete people who don't comment/post/basically have inactive journals. Clean it up a little bit. I hate hate it when people do this, but I guess if you want to still be my friend, comment or whatever. Okay, sorry that's annoying. ♥